Lady Sovereign (in the country for the Parklife Festival) managed to get herself arrested within nine hours of arrival. The midget rapper spat on a bouncer outside an infamous gay nightclub in Brisbane and was promptly carted away by police. She later explained that a "man in a dress" attacked her in the toilets prior to the incident. That would be one of venue’s notoriously vicious transvestites, then.

China celebrated 60 years of Super Awesome Communist Fun times this week. My neighbours hung a Chinese flag from their front porch in celebration.

The ugly Kardashian that no one cares about (AKA Khloe) got married this week. Kourtney was there looking very pregnant. Kim was also around, looking great. We may secretly love her.

The law finally caught up Roman Polanski this week. The director was arrested by Swiss authorities (on the US Government’s request) after flying in to attend some film festival. While the arts world was OUTRAGED by his arrest, Polanski has never denied the fact he drugged and had 'buttsecks' with a 13-year-old girl in 1977 before going on the lam. Jump on Wikipedia for the full story on Polanski, it’s far too epic and ridiculous to fit here.

Earthquakes and Tsunamis all round this week as the Philippines, Samoa and Indonesia were monstered by nature. Lots of people died. Not cool.

The gays can now get married in Nevada. Dusty 'holes in the desert' Nevada! Crazy! Things are obviously progressing on some fronts in the US.

You may have heard about this, Vegemite unveiled the name of its disgusting new mix of cheese and yeast this week. Something called iSnack2.0. The public did not take to the name warmly.

Eddie Furlong has gone all Pookie on us and is smoking crack like it's going out of fashion. That’s what his wife says – she’s filed a restraining order against the 'actor'. Also, if you don’t know, the ‘Pookie’ thing is a New Jack City / Chris Rock reference. Don’t send us your hate mail. Ta.

DJ AM’s death has official been ruled an "accidental overdose". [Insert bad taste joke here.]

Being the 'biggest band in the world' doesn’t come cheap. Word has it the daily operating cost of U2’s current tour (and the 200 trucks required) is $750 thousand. Take that, environment!

If you’ve lost the will to live, this clip of Amy Winehouse rapping should have you reaching for the prescription pills and plastic bag.

A man constructed a 'rape tunnel' as part of an art installation this week. “I've constructed a 22-foot tunnel out of plywood that leads into the project room ... At the end of the tunnel the subject will find me waiting in the project room and I'll try to the best of my ability to overpower and rape the person who crawls through..." Sadly, it all turned out to be a hoax.

After fronting up for his Parklife headlining slot solo, Luke Steele revealed he hasn’t seen or heard from Nick Littlemore (the other half of Empire of the Sun) for five months. "He disappeared about five months ago and I haven't really heard from him. Last I heard he's in Canada and then he's in Vegas. [But] as my dad always says, you've got to keep the show on the road."

Mackenzie Phillips was out shilling her new book this week and told Oprah that she and her father, The Mamas and the Papas’ John Phillips had 'relations' for nearly a decade following her 18th birthday. Cue awkward silence.

Someone made a video about Steve Jobs using an old Mac commercial from the 80s as its basis. It’s not very nice to Steve 'I park in handicapped spots and you can’t stop me' Jobs. As for Double Twist – we have no idea, some sort of MP3 thing or something.

A bunch of world leaders got together in Pittsburgh for the G20 summit. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi managed to embarrass himself (and Italy) by making that 'joke' about Obama being 'tanned'. He also said Mrs Obama was tanned. Meanwhile, Libya’s Colonel Gaddafi upset some people by forgoing a hotel in favour of a GIANT tent in a park. He was ordered to take it down by the local council.

2003 called promoters of the Big Day Out demanding they return its bands. If you have a better joke about the disappointing line-up for BDO 2010, feel free to ignore our (admittedly poor) effort.

Ben Lee made a baby this week. Well, with his wife, actress Ione Skye. The kid is called Goldie Priya Lee. In related news, Ben Lee still sucks.

Some guys from Geelong kicked a ball around a field better than some guys from St Kilda.

Finally, if you haven’t already seen it, dating is a minefield: