Those Brazilian drug cartels don’t mess around. Fact is, they’re just looking for an excuse to blow your pansy-ass police helicopter out of the sky. Which is exactly what they did this week while fighting turf wars in a private 'fortress city'.

God hates us and is sabotaging our science from the future. That’s what scientist involved in the Hadron Collider think. You can read more about their 'theories' here.

Balloon Boy and his evil family shattered a nation’s innocence this week. Turns out a small homemade balloon can’t carry a child across the country. Also, people who have been on Wife Swap (twice) are not to be trusted.

Gossip Girl spoiler alert: Chuck Bass. Kissing men. Blair approves. ZOMG!

Got a couple of minutes to spare? Why not play this insane head-touching game. We’ve read the instructions and still have no idea what’s happening.

According to new management at MySpace, they’re not competing with Facebook any more. Nope, they’re gonna stick it to Apple and Google instead... Let us know how that works out, guys.

In Soviet Russia, bus runs for you...

Sony launched its new PSP Go this week to deafening silence/indifference/shame/remorse. Apparently they’ve shifted less than one thousand units of the crippled system in Australia. They’re calling it a "soft launch".

In a story worthy of The Sopranos, an ex-mafia hitman accidentally outed himself in a New York court this week. Robert Mormando turned state’s witness/rat several years ago following a failed hit. He was in court this week to be sentenced for the 2003 crime when his lawyer told the judge he was a "changed man" and had been "openly gay since he left the mob". Apparently the trial wasn’t as secret as Mormando and his lawyer assumed because the gay hitman is now the talk of New York crime circles.

Prescription pain killers are passé. Heroin is the latest and greatest thing according to a number of trend pieces in New York media.

We’re pretty sure Lindsay Lohan did something crazy this week, we just can’t be bothered writing another news piece about LiLo and her cutting, drug shame, failing career, evil parents.

There was a fight at school this week. It was totally badass...

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have named their new kid Sparrow and are busy selling photos of him to US gossip magazines. As long as it keeps Madden and his brother out of the studio we’re not complaining.

If you get excited about operating systems then you’re already aware Windows 7 was released this week. Apparently it sucks less than Windows Vista, which is sort of like saying getting punched in the face sucks less than being murdered.

Yahoo knows how to get a party going. They hired girls to perform lap-dances up on stage during some tech conference in Taiwan. Naturally, someone, somewhere, was outraged.

The Somali pirates are back, more desperate than ever. They’ve now hijacked a Chinese vessel with 25 people aboard. This isn’t going to end well.

Spike Jonze finally got around to releasing Where the Wild Things Are this week. After a ‘difficult’ gestation period, the film has done a lot better than expected, hitting #1 in US cinemas. Also, Spike and Kanye West made a little home movie together, posted it online, then changed their mind and tried to remove it from ‘t3h internets’.

Shyne Po is coming home. Ten years since the rapper shot up a nightclub while out on the town with Diddy and J-Lo, he’s finally being released. And probably getting deported straight back to his native Belize. He may wanna hit up Slick Rick about a good immigration lawyer.

Miranda Kerr was in town this week looking pretty and 'making appearances'. And that’s all the excuse we need to run some pictures of her.

And to wrap it up, the best cat ever.