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12-year-old Alfie Patten and girlfriend Chantelle Steadman have some paternity issues
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Somebody call the Maury Povich show Mar 27, 2009 at 09:47
This is so outrageous that it's actually barely humorous anymore. Remember that 12-year-old baby-faced kid Alfie who slept with his 15-year-old girlfriend and made a mini baby child? Chantelle said that Alfie was the first boy she'd had fuzzy tingle times with but she was making up naughty fibs. Since then approximately nine million teen chavs have come forward saying that they've been in Chantelle's pants and might be the baby daddy.

Now a DNA test revealed that little Alfie (who has just mastered his eight times table and is now allowed to put his marshmallow in his hot chocolate ALL ON HIS OWN) is not the baby daddy after all.

The story is that Chantelle's crazy classy father decided they should lie and say Alfie was the dad because he looks all innocent and clueless about his own genitals, let alone a lady's bits and perhaps they could make some mad cash-money off of that. Way to parent, Mr Steadman!

Basically, what we can all learn from this story is that we're doomed.

Good morning!



Posted By: Katie Olsen
Tags: Trash


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'30' comment(s) have been made
True Respect
speechless...
True New Lounger
This is messed up!
True Respect
Twisted.
False Advanced Member
but they got a free playstation? Right?
False Advanced Member
Totes awkward.
True Respect
Some mothers do ave em.
True Respect
Neanderthals. Their parents (who are also probably still in their teens) should be disgusted in themselves... although having remorse could imply intelligence, which clearly none of these people have. Tragic.
False Respect
well if its gonna be that kind of party then im going to stick my dick in a mash potato! BABABHABAHBAHABHAHABAHABAHBAHB!HB!!! !H!!!!
True Advanced Member
I guess Lil Alfie doesn't have to worry about paying a third of his lunch money in child maintenance now..
True Respect
Where's Springer when you need him?
True Respect
I wonder if they're related?
False Senior Member
Still gotta give props to Alfie for getting his bone on at such a young age with a woman nearly twice his size
True Respect
Yeah...um, no. No we don't.
True Advanced Member
Yeah... dude is totally rippin for his age... they say big things come in small packages.... is that wrong? I bet he is mega good on the PS3 too...
True Senior Member
She looks like my little sister.
True Respect
Olmatic genius tellin it how it is, damn!
True Senior Member
what a 'ho. i keep hearing about all these British girls getting preggers. is it that cold in england that sex is the only way to keep warm!
True Senior Member
as soon as i have a kid im quitting my job and he can go about knocking chicks up and i will get rich off the shame and misery.
True Senior Member
Tez
What a whore..
True Respect
Wolmax you have changed your name also.. this is confusing me, first Miro, now you. This must stop, too confusing...
True Senior Member
The end is near? No, the end is here.
True Member
this is beyond fucked
True Member
that poor kid (the father i mean), he is fucked FOR LIFE. anyone notice that he doesn't even look at the camera? the mother isn't much of a looker either...
False Respect
Ugh this is crazy. Why is that girl doing a 12 year old? Their parents should get a speaking to! And Sony should take that PS3 back! - Jake OXOXOX
True Respect
ryz
Ok, now how long until we find out that the baby's father is actually her dad?
True Respect
Had to go there, didn't you.
True Senior Member
Oops wrong hole!
False New Lounger
@_@;; holy moley......*blink blink*
False Member
... and in other parts of the world we're trying to fight against child brides and child pregnancies.... that poor boy. meanwhile, the girl's parents should be shot... she should be too. and give the baby to someone else that's not sick in the head.
True Senior Member
Wow. Majorly messed up stuff here. I'd say 'poor Alfie' but he did get it on with 15 year old Chantelle Steadman. Ick. Scarring story of the day. This makes me not want to have kids.

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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: That jumpsuit should read "I'd love it if my mummy and daddy could read past a 6th grade level."
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: Or "I love my REAL mummy and daddy. This shits has got to be a joke."
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: Or maybe "I'd love it if my dad didn't still wet the bed. Seriously, I'm almost toilet trained, for fuck's sake."
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: Or maybe "I'd love it if my dad didn't still wet the bed. Seriously, I'm almost toilet trained, for fuck's sake."
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: "Dad? DAD?! You're VOICE HASN'T EVEN DROPPED, DOUCHEBAG!"
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: "You know what show they should make? I'm Just a Little Baby, Get Me Outta Here!"
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: "Mum. Did anybody ever teach you that promiscuity at a very young age is often linked to serious self-esteem issues? For serious. You should see somebody. You ARE good enough."
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: "Grandma? Nanna? HELP ME!"
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: "Are you my father?"
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: "Are you my father?"
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Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and the rest: "Are you serious? One of my possible fathers has an EYEBROW RING? He wasn't even BORN when they were mildly cool!"
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